Coming Back From Isolation

My dear friends, I would like to apologize for disappearing so thoroughly from most of your lives both this year and last. I also want to explain a bit about why I disappeared.

When I disappeared it was more that I became unable to reach out, even though I desperately could’ve used the support of more friends during that time.

Someone whom I had considered a close friend turned out to be not a friend at all. But before I even began the process of figuring out that she wasn’t a friend, she had already effectively isolated me from those who truly were or still are my friends.

The thing about liars (especially those who lie about big things), is that they can’t be trusted. I trusted a liar and it was a huge mistake. By the time I figured out it had been a mistake to trust or even help this alleged friend of mine, I was too sapped of energy to do anything but simply hunker down and try to survive.

Isolation is a tricky thing too because it looks so different from the inside versus the outside.

As I was being isolated, other close friends of mine were being encouraged to believe that I was deliberately excluding them from my life. This was completely untrue and effectively led to my further isolation.

When someone disappears or becomes distanced from others, the way that I did, it can be easy to take their disappearance personally. In my situation, that perceived personal affront was used by my alleged friend to further isolate me and control the situation.

This was all done without my consent and I had very little awareness that it was even happening.

I am so thankful for those of you who have been gracious and understanding as I’ve gradually come back into your lives and who didn’t take it personally. It really had nothing to do with any of you, my actual friends.

I’ve recently learned that one of the downsides of trusting someone who lies frequently and about other people is that they eventually will lie about you too. Not a fun lesson, but an important one. So, if you have any questions about that situation (or any other you think I might have been involved in), please ask me directly and I will do my best to be as honest as possible about it.

I’m gradually working on letting more people back into my life. The order I’ve gone in so far has nothing to do with my regard (or disregard) for anyone, it’s more of a convenience thing.

I know “convenience” sounds bad too, but with limited energy after a full Autistic Burnout comes an increased need to go with the flow and people who *reach out to me are more likely to be added back into my life sooner than those who don’t. Those who live nearby and see me more often are, likewise, easier to add back than those who are far away.

Thank you for your patience and I appreciate you all!

*Unless I’ve told you that your communication with me causes panic attacks, in which case please just don’t.

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