My Statement – January 20, 2017

Earlier today I read a post, “Let the Record Show” by John Pavlovitz, that pretty much exactly sums up how I feel about the upcoming four years. Not everything, but about 90%, which is pretty darn close.

This part, in particular, resonated:

“History has been littered with horrible people who did terrible things with power, because too many good people remained silent.”

I don’t want to remain silent and I won’t. However, I strongly suspect that once this post is published, this blog will be finished. I have small children to think about, their safety has to come first, and I believe we are entering a period of dangerous political ideologies. I’ll keep writing, of course, and talking to people I care about, both in person and online, but publicly posting my thoughts and opinions as myself doesn’t seem to be a great idea any longer.

I have a dear local friend who is elderly and was harassed horribly and stalked online because she dared to share her political opinion, similar to mine, in a local paper. She’s the sweetest person you’d ever want to meet, but how dare she share her opinion and expect to ever feel safe in her town or even home again! I have several other friends who have experienced violence, either verbal or physical, simply for existing around people who felt emboldened by the new atmosphere.

That seems to be the accepted mindset now. Violence, or the threat thereof, against any words of dissent or disagreement. Then subsequent denial of that violence because it’s “only fake news” or “people are just making it up.”

“Get over it” are the words of today on Facebook. I’m sure that I’ll have them directed at me too despite the fact that I’ve never told anyone else to “get over” someone who was elected. I cannot even fathom doing so. I’ve also never voted for a winning president in my life, but prior to now there were only political differences involved.

I firmly believe that the previous presidents, whom I didn’t vote for and vehemently disagreed with politically, were all good people who truly wanted to be president so that they could do a good job. I do not believe that this time. I see a self-serving man who wants money, power, and popularity. A man who will say anything to get a crowd to cheer for him. Who doesn’t seem to really understand how complex most of these issues he speaks about actually are. I’m not saying that he’s unintelligent – clearly he is very intelligent – but that’s not exactly a comfort in this situation.

I see the dissent that has already been sown in my friends and neighbors.

I see the violence on both major sides.

I see clearly the utter lack of caring, primarily from the Republican side, about anyone who dares feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable with this situation – let alone those who are genuinely worried about their basic needs and survival.

Most importantly, I see the most vulnerable people in our society fearing for their lives and the lives of their children – the poor, the ill, the elderly, the disabled. The “expendables” to many, it seems.

Interestingly enough, most of those I’ve seen saying “get over it” are not actually people who have exhibited a lack of empathy about other topics in the past. Not to my knowledge, at least. What makes this so different?

Why is this a situation where other people’s feelings are so easily and cavalierly dismissed and invalidated?

Let my record show, in addition to most of the things John Pavlovitz already said:

My values are incongruent with those of the incoming administration. They are mutually exclusive. I am not represented by them at all.

I highly value the various vulnerable populations in our country and will do everything in my power to speak up on their behalf whenever possible. All the way from nationally to locally.

If any of my friends, especially those who belong to any oppressed or minority group, find themselves in a bad situation, I will be there for you in whatever way I can be. Please let me know and I will help to the best of my ability. We always have food here and we have a house with extra space. Please don’t struggle in silence.

I will be the first to admit to being wrong about this situation, if I am.

Finally, my hopes:

That the next four years will be relatively uneventful and that things will be easier and better for everyone who is currently struggling or fears struggling more under the proposed plans.

That healthcare will somehow be improved.

That the public school system will be accessible for all children.

That tempers will be held.

That no nuclear weapons will be used.

That taxpayer money is spent wisely to help those who need it and to rebuild our infrastructure.

That nobody (else) dies as a direct result of the dissent and hatred that has been stirred up.

That I am dramatically, unequivocally, and indisputably wrong in my concern about the next 4-8 years.

Advertisements

Judging Parents by Their Own Behavior

20131129-093702.jpg

Subtitle: Parents Behaving Badly

There’s a trend in our society that has always bothered me somewhat. We compliment parents when their children are well-behaved and we, likewise, condemn them when their children are ill behaved. Given that nobody can completely control anyone else’s behavior, why aren’t we judging the parents on their own behavior instead of on the behavior of their children?

Yes, parents absolutely do need to be teaching their children how to behave in public and how to handle themselves in various situations, but the idea that one person (even a parent) either can or should have such complete control over another person (even a child)’s behavior is just a bit troubling to me. Teaching someone is not the same thing as controlling them is and when we judge parents by their children’s behavior, there seems to be an implicit assumption that the parents should be controlling those children and keeping them under control!

Before even mentioning any practical issues regarding children and their behavior in public, I think that it’s important to recognize that children are people too. They have good days and bad days. They have days when they eat too much sugar, too little food, or miss a nap and go bonkers in the grocery store or other public place. Children, just like adults, are prone to lose their tempers, get grumpy, become frustrated, and lash out.

Children also possess far less impulse control than adults do, which is why it rather puzzles me that we, as a society, seem to expect children to behave even better in public than we expect their parents to behave.

Often, children’s inappropriate behavior is precipitated by an unwise decision on the part of the parents (like taking a young child shopping during naptime), but we should hold the parents accountable for their unfortunate decision rather than the reaction of their child to the parents’ ill conceived decision (a possible meltdown or tantrum during the aforementioned naptime shopping trip).

Truly, I think that this expectation, that parents should be “in control” or “controlling” their children’s behavior causes a lot of bad behavior on the part of parents themselves. In an effort to show their children as well as everyone around them that they are “in control” or “doing something about” their children’s bad behavior, parents will often resort to threats or even physical violence against their children.

Public threats and physical violence are not something that we tolerate from any other group of people other than parents when the threats and physical violence (spanking) are directed at their children.

Why is this? Why is it socially acceptable for parents to lose their tempers and threaten and yell at or even hit their children in public?

I think it’s because we, as a society, also believe that such threats and violence establish the parents’ appearance of “control” over their children, which is more acceptable to us than seeing children behaving like children and being taught respectfully how to behave in public or being removed from a situation when it has proven to be too much for them at this time.

I think that it would be more productive for parents to be judged by their own behavior. I’d far rather see a parent calmly handling the issue of a tantrum-ing child in public, trying to figure out the underlying issue and treating the child with respect, than to see a parent lose control themselves while dealing with an out of control child.

How can we expect children to exhibit self-control in public most or all of the time when we, as parents, cannot even exhibit perfect self-control in public all of the time?

Practically speaking, I don’t believe we can.

I think that we need to have more grace and patience for children in public situations. I think that we need to recognize that they are people and that when their basic needs aren’t met, they are going to react badly to situations, just as any adult would except more so because they don’t have the impulse control or experience to handle situations as well as adults should be able to.

I think that we need to better support parents in teaching their children with grace and patience so that they don’t feel the need to react in a heavy-handed manner to their children’s childish behavior, whether in public or private.

In somewhat related news, I rather enjoyed this article by the Onion this week. Sometimes there’s just so much truth in satire… 😉

So it’s April Fool’s Day!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve updated because Firefox no longer completes my blog’s address in the address bar, and now it’s April Fool’s Day. Day one of my birth month. The day of tricks and tomfoolery. The day when many women announce that they’re pregnant and then when everyone shouts, “Congratulations!” they say, “April Fools to you! I tricked you!”

So, to follow in the spirit of things, I’m going to now announce that I’m pregnant with #3 who we hope is a little boy (we’d be happy with another girl, of course, but techie guru husband really wishes he wasn’t the only male in our household). Except nobody will believe me today, which is just fine because we were planning to wait until my birthday in two weeks before telling everyone anyhow. Therefore, in two more weeks or so I’ll just announce it again and then everyone will be like, “Hey! You weren’t fooling!” and I’ll just smile.

I suppose this is also a tricky ploy to see who reads my blog and who doesn’t.

So, assuming everything goes well and nothing untoward happens in the meantime, expect an announcement sometime soon – if you dare to believe me today 🙂

~B.

Driving in a New Town

Learning to drive in a new town is… interesting. We moved to the Augusta, GA area in the middle of December, but I didn’t start driving around until about a month ago because we also have a new car and we weren’t able to move the seat  forward which meant I couldn’t reach the pedals. Eventually we bought a cushion from the Salvation Army so I can sit forward enough even though the seat still doesn’t move… and I digress…

I was very nervous about learning to drive our new car (a ’78 VW bus) in a brand new town. I’m a good driver, but I’ve never regularly driven in a large city or in a town where most of the roads are 4+ lanes wide. I learned to drive in Kitsap County, WA – Land of the Two Lane Roads. Driving on two-lane roads is nice and I really like it, but I found myself at a serious disadvantage when we moved here and I realized that I have virtually no experience driving on large roads.

Over the last few weeks I’ve gotten more practice and am gradually getting more comfortable on the larger roads here. I’m rediscovering that I *am* a good driver and that I can do this! I’m finally starting to feel as though I know where I’m going sometimes without having to print out a long list of directions from mapquest. I’m learning the names of the roads and which roads to avoid during rush-hour (pretty much all of them in Columbia County…).

I’m also getting comfortable with the VW clutch again after having driven an automatic for the last year and a half. I’m more used to having such a large vehicle behind me and virtually nothing in front of me. I’m discovering that VW busses are incredibly fun to drive and almost as fun to drive as a VW beetle – which was my first car.

I’m beginning to enjoy driving again. Life is good 🙂

~B.

%d bloggers like this: